What better way to kick off our new show than with one of my finest mechanical creations: Burnbot! I had Sonic cornered in a delightful little mineshaft, the perfect venue for some dramatic robot-on-hedgehog action. I even made a grand entrance in my Egg Mobile! But of course, Sonic had to nitpick my naming conventions. "Burnbot has no fire weapons," he says. Well excuse me, Mr. Naming Police—do you think "Pinchybot" would've struck fear into anyone?

Still, the battle raged on! Just when victory was within my grasp, that meddlesome fox, Tails, swooped in with his ridiculous plane and gave Sonic the upper hand using some kind of "Enerbeam" trickery. Long story short: Burnbot got busted, the Tornado got clipped, and Tails ended up crash-landing like a two-tailed ragdoll. I saw the writing on the wall and made my exit. Gracefully, I might add.

Sonic, being the overly sentimental sap that he is, decided to fire his sidekick for his own protection. Yes, you heard that right. He FIRED the one person who’s been helping him not die for years. Naturally, I had to see this trainwreck for myself. When I heard he was holding auditions for a new sidekick, I knew it was time to get involved—purely to further my villainous goals, of course. I wasn’t *touched* by his emotional dilemma or anything. Perish the thought.

Anyway, the try-outs were a hoot. Amy tried... something. Fastidious Beaver admitted to being a coward (bold strategy). Knuckles misunderstood the concept entirely. And then—twist of the century—Tails returned under a cloak to reapply. A bit dramatic. I loved it!

And who better to join the fray than me, Eggman, the very image of sidekick perfection! Sure, Sonic was opposed at first, but when the rules didn’t explicitly forbid me, he had no choice. I even let Fastidious tag along just to irritate everyone.

The test? A madcap race to Mount Safety to grab a flag. I almost felt bad sabotaging Tails mid-flight. Almost. But that wasn’t even my real goal! While they were distracted, I brought back the retooled and now actually fire-capable Burnbot! Yes, the same one Sonic mocked earlier. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?! AAH HA HA HA HA!

Despite my upgraded masterpiece scorching the battlefield and dropping Sonic into an icy deathtrap, Tails (infuriatingly) pulled off a daring rescue. One heartfelt reunion and some buddy-buddy teamwork later, and Burnbot got shattered, drowned, and humiliated. Again. Bah.

In the end, Sonic re-hired Tails, I was forced to retreat (temporarily!), and Knuckles began seeking a sidekick of his own—because clearly that went so well for Sonic.

But mark my words: I’ll be back. I always come back. With better robots. And better names. Probably.