Sonic the Hedgehog 2 — the 8-bit version. Released for the Master System and Game Gear in 1992, this little gem marks the debut of my arch-nemesis’s annoyingly loyal fox sidekick, Miles “Tails” Prower. Or rather, it would have been his debut as an active sidekick, had I not captured him and locked him away in my crystalline masterpiece: the Crystal Egg. See? I do have good taste.

The setup? Flawless. While Sonic was off doing whatever brainless blue bunglers do in their downtime, I swept through South Island, captured all the animals, and snatched up Tails. Left behind a nice little letter too — very polite of me to formally state my demands: Sonic would need to bring me the Chaos Emeralds to free his little buddy.

Each Zone was defended by one of my Master Badniks, handcrafted to test Sonic’s reflexes, patience, and limited brainpower. From the lava traps of Under Ground Zone to the maze of tubes in Scrambled Egg, I gave the blue pest every chance to fail. And fail he did… in the very first zone, he tripped headlong into a lava pit and I had to save him! I guess I felt sorry for the little pest... Nah! I had him immediately fight my Pit Master. I wasn't about to let my archrival die to some freak accident! He is (and by extension I am) far too good for that!

Anyway, if Sonic didn’t get all the Emeralds by the time he reached the Scrambled Egg Zone, he got to fight my Mecha Sonic replica, but he didn’t get to see me again. Tails stayed locked away in my prison, and Sonic got a lonely little constellation scene as a reward. Ha! Too bad, Sonic!

But if — and I do mean if — the player managed to nab all the Chaos Emeralds and then best Mecha Sonic? Then, and only then, would I allow Sonic into the Crystal Egg Zone for a final confrontation. I may have lost that battle in some playthroughs… but at least I made him work for it. You’re welcome.

Gameplay-wise, it’s a tighter, tougher take on the first 8-bit outing. Bigger maps. More hazards. Hang-gliders, railcarts, giant bubbles — you name it, I booby-trapped it. Sonic may have had his usual Spin Attack, but without Rings in the boss fights, he had to be careful. One mistake? Boom. Back to the start.

All in all? A worthy sequel. Tails was helpless, I got to play with six Master Badniks and a shiny robot doppelganger, and the only way to win was to play my game. Admit it — I made the whole adventure interesting!

Next time, though? I’m keeping the Emeralds. Sonic can have the fox.