Ugh. Of all the humiliations—this issue implies that I, the great Dr. Robotnik, was once some kind of lonely orphan tinkering with toy soldiers while living on a farm with that infernal hedgehog and his doddering Uncle Chuck! Absolutely slanderous! But I suppose I should clarify *my* version of the tale.
It opens with me masterfully cornering Sonic at the cliff’s edge—until that fool falls and knocks himself out cold. While he’s lying there dreaming of our shared “childhood,” I get to reflect on how far I’ve come from that wretched barnyard life.
Even in Sonic's dreams, young me was already showing genius—constructing marvelous mechanical toys while that blue brat zip-zapped around breaking them. Chuck had the gall to say I should “get along” with Sonic, as if that was ever going to happen. And after I repurposed parts from his tractor for one of my experiments, it naturally crashed. Was it my fault Chuck forgot how to drive? Of course not!
Sonic, panicked, used Chuck’s freshly-forged “Magic Ring” to rush us both to the hospital. Should’ve let me perish. But instead, I survived—only to have a toy rat me out and ruin my well-deserved tantrum. The nerve! I was grounded after that, so I built a death robot to settle the score. Naturally, Sonic used a garden hose to trip my creation. How anticlimactic.
Back in the present, Sonic wakes up just in time to dodge another blast from my Egg-O-Matic. If only he’d stayed unconscious a little longer...
Finally, something a bit more contemporary. Princess Sally and Rotor concoct some hair-brained spy scheme and drag Sonic into it by dressing him up like a robot. How flattering—imitating my loyal creations!
They fool Tails (barely an achievement), who runs off to declare himself the new hero of Mobius in a one-boy newspaper. A Buzzbomber reads it and rushes back to report to me, only to find out I’m already ten steps ahead. I knew Sonic was a fraud from the start. I was simply toying with him! I even commanded him to give up Knothole’s location, just to see how far he’d go.
Right before he caves, a conveniently timed disturbance alarm goes off—something’s gone wrong at the Crab Compound. I let Sonic investigate, thinking, “What could go wrong?”
Turns out, plenty! Inside the factory, Sonic finds his roboticized Uncle Chuck and—surprise!—Muttski too! What should have been a moment of glorious villainy turns into a soap opera of Sonic trying to un-robot his family. Gag. Muttski attacks. Chuck stays obedient. Sonic snaps and speeds back to me in a tantrum.
I give him one final chance to sell out Knothole by typing it into my missile system. He does! At last! Sweet, explosive victory!
...Or not. The missile strikes my own Buzzbomber factory. My factory! Right in my backyard! I storm outside to confirm the devastation, and there it is: rubble, flames, and the sound of my plans going up in smoke. And then—THEN—Sonic clamps his disguise's fake jaws onto my shapely posterior and vanishes like the smug little rodent he is.
Someday. Someday soon, they will all pay.