Ah, the dawn of disaster! The very first chapter of my glorious campaign to crush that blue buffoon and his ragtag rodent rebels. Allow me, the magnificent Dr. Ivo Robotnik, to recount the truth—as only I can tell it!
Picture this: I had that pesky Sonic right where I wanted him, cornered in my marvelous Egg-O-Matic, ready to douse him in my revolutionary mega-muck—a slime so powerful, it could’ve ended his streaking days for good! But alas, that worm-brained Caterkiller fouled it up by bumbling into my shot. Typical! Sonic zipped off like the coward he is, splattering my brilliance all over me in the process!
He scampered off to his little hideout in Knothole Village, showing off his precious “secret entrance” to the reader—what a fool! There, he bragged about trashing my robots to his forest-dwelling fan club—Rotor, Tails, and that insufferable Princess Sally. But while they babbled about muddy leaks and sobbing trees (don’t ask), I was already tracking them with my elite Buzzbomber patrols.
Turns out a bunch of weeping willows were crying because I—rightfully—bulldozed their tree friends to smoke out Knothole. Sentimental saplings! Naturally, I arrived on the scene ready to smash them all. But Sonic, the meddling miscreant, found a Power Ring and slammed straight into my Egg-O-Matic, blowing it to bits. I had to make my dramatic exit clinging to Buzzbomber as we flew away. Bah!
They ended the tale planting trees, can you believe it? Planting! As if flora can stop the future I have planned!
And now the origin story—or at least the sanitized version that hedgehog and his rebel princess spewed to impressionable youth. Once upon a time, Sonic was a simple delivery boy, grabbing chili dogs from his Uncle Chuck’s stand. But when my glorious regime took over Mobius, I introduced order! Structure! Robotic perfection!
While Sonic was off feeding the masses (in a factory I cleverly booby-trapped), I had my SWATbots scoop up Chuck and that mutt Muttski. The fools never saw it coming. When Sonic returned and found the stand destroyed, he had the nerve to dismantle my beautiful SWATbots—vandalism, I say! But the real showstopper came when he snuck into Robotnik Inc. with that meddling Sally Acorn and watched me personally reprogram Mobians into my loyal robot workforce. Chuck, Muttski, all mine!
I almost had them—almost—but they kicked up a tornado and fled. Sally babbled about a band of rebels in the Great Forest, hoping to undo my empire. Please. Let them gather. The more, the better. I’ll roboticize them all!
Ah, my wonderful mechanical minions! A full page of my most trusted creations—Ball Hog, Batbrain, Burrobot, Caterkiller (grr), Crabmeat, Jaws, Motobug, Orbinaut, Splats, and the ever-dependable SWATbots. Each one hand-forged for domination! You’re welcome, Mobius.